my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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