You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
