Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
