even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
