1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
