Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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