The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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