Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
