Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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