i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
