you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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