dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well I just put wine in my tea
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
