from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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