this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
