I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
