we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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