If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
