She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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