the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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