He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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