Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
