I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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