just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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