what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
