I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
