I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
