I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So much rum. So many feels.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
