Its about making memories worth repressing
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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