Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I touched a dick in church today
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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