they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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