Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
