How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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