THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
