its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
