My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
