Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
