I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
