You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
