well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
