I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
