If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
