just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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