ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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