I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
