please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
