One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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