I just pynch a tree in the face
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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