epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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