Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
