Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
