i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
