When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
