So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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