she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
