Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm always down for nudity.
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