It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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