if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize