You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
