My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
