I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
