also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
