So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize