I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
