Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
