my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
