I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
