Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Randomize