I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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